Sunday, August 22, 2010

No Matter What

A few weeks ago, my Toby-cat passed away. Quickly, suddenly. And just when the sharpest edge of pain was starting to fade from that loss- my heart broke all over again. It seems that my relationship of 2.5 years is ending, too.

Just typing that paragraph takes my breath away. A month and a half ago, everything seemed so right in the world. I had a relationship I was proud of, that I thought was heading towards something. I had a furry cuddlebug to come home to. A job, family, friends. And now, I feel like the rug has been pulled out from under me.

I feel so selfish saying that. God has blessed me so greatly. My family- what can I say. Tight-knit and supportive, encouraging. Healthy. My friends- I've learned the true definition of friendship these past few weeks. I know I am beyond blessed.

But that doesn't keep the dark moments from sneaking up on me. Pictures I put up just weeks ago seem like a different life- a different Lindsay. Sometimes I look at her and want to go back and warn her that her world will be turned upside down- that grief and heartache are just weeks, days away.

But I can't go back. I can only go foward, with the belief that God is doing something really special that requires a complete change in course. I don't want to waste a minute questioning God's plan for me- even though it may hurt. I have too much to be thankful for, and I can't lose sight of that, ever. No matter what.

This song says it all- thanks, Mom.

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