I'm definitely on a posting roll this week! I guess that's what happens when a major project comes to an end. Since the variety show wrapped last weekend- there is suddenly this windfall of free time! I have lots of catching up to do still- with friends, with other projects- but this week, I've been catching up on "me". Working out, writing blog posts, watching TV; it's nice to have a week where I set my own agenda.
I guess that kind of leads me to tonight's post, this whole "catching up on me" deal. I'm starting to learn there's a big difference between being a selfish person... and being selfish with yourself. Between being heartless... and taking care of your heart. And I'm learning how important it is to be selfish with yourself, to take care of your heart.
I've had some hard blows in the past 8 months, but probably the hardest "growing pains" in the whole process have been seeing some true colors start to shine through. I've seen selflessness- oh, such wonderful selflessness. People who have given their time and energy and love to throw me a lifesaver when I most needed it. Those people, those moments have been locked into my heart forever.
And I've seen selfishness- people who can't look further than the waves at their feet while someone else drowns.
I don't want to stand at the shore when someone else drowns. And I don't want to spend any of my time, my precious love and energy, on someone who can.
So, that's what's been on my mind lately. I don't have any special words of wisdom on it. Because just as strongly as I believe in protecting my heart and having high standards in life- I believe in growth and healing and forgiveness, too. I struggle with that. How do you give 100% to someone, to something... when you know you won't get 100% back? When is it time to walk away?
It's an unanswered question. But one thing I know for sure? I'm looking forward to seeing my 5 permanent lifesavers this weekend... my family. :)