Trick Or Treat...

Eagerly awaiting my first trick-or-treaters...

Happy Halloween! :)

Letting Go

Tonight's post is a sort of follow-up to last night's post, and I didn't even set out to do that. I love it when I write about something one night, and then the next night... it all seems to make a bit more sense. So, here's the "sequel." :)

I am a stick-it-out kind of girl. I put everything I have into my work, my relationships. That was probably ingrained in me at an early age, when I wanted to quit piano lessons or girl scouts, and I wasn't allowed to. Even though I did eventually quit- it taught me that quitting shouldn't ever be easy.

I think that's why I have felt stretched so thin lately. I have a lot of things pulling me in different directions, and if I'm not careful- I start to lose a little bit of "me." I get tired and weepy and whiny. Because quitting isn't an option, but draining myself dry... is.

But, in the past 24 hours, I've felt the sting of heartache all over again. I've taken a long walk with my co-workers and laughed a lot, and I cried over dinner with one of my best friends.

These are the moments that remind me who I am. What I stand for. These moments of testing and truth remind me what's important no matter how many directions I'm pulled in.

These moments rejuvinate me and remind me that many of the things that are stretching me thin are things I care about, things that are worth my time, things that make me happy, things that fill me up. Things I should make a priority, not just another item on my to-do list.

And these moments also remind me of the things- and yes, even people- I need to let go of. The things that hurt and dissapoint, the things that drain me dry. I find myself wanting to write a disclaimer to this statement- because, after all, i'm the stick it out girl- but sometimes, the best favor you do for yourself is forgiving and letting go.

I think it's a very good thing.

Manic Monday

My Monday morning started out with two emergency phone calls from work... before 7am.

And I prayed the entire drive to work, knowing that a day that starts with two emergency phone calls before 7am always means a very... long... day.

A long day it was, indeed. Lately, I feel like I have one extremely long day after another. I know that's probably emotions talking. I'm worn out from weeks of moving and a never-ending list of to-do's.

Today was days of over-extending coming to a point. My patience was gone before I had my first cup of coffee. I feel like I'm stretched too thin, committed to so many things that I can only put half of myself into.

And, the tears came when I came home to no cable... yet again.

Can't a girl get a night of mindless TV after a manic Monday?!

Sigh. I know this is one of my whinier posts. Does anyone else out there hear me on this one?

Here's to a Tuesday of... fewer to-do's. :)

Lately

I know everyone wants to see house pictures, and I promise... they're coming! Half the battle was locating my camera (which I did.) Now... finding the camera charger. That could be problematic.

So, in the meantime... I'll share a few iphone photos!

Do you love this bench, or what? You will see that I have a strong bird/bird cage/leaf/nature theme in my apartment, so this bench goes perfectly. It was refinished and then the cushion was made by the fabulous Kim over at Okie Chic. Check out her stuff, it's awesome!

I officially said goodbye to this place, my home for the past four years. I cried (twice) in the process of leaving. It was bittersweet, because I have such wonderful memories there. But, time for new memories. :)

My fair city. Remember that project I'm working on? It's all taking place at the VFW in downtown Tulsa. This is the view from the building. Love it.

Amy Grant concert! Sister & I got mom tickets for her birthday. We had a great girls night- dinner at Wolfgang Puck's Bistro to start, then the concert at the Broken Arrow PAC. Very beautiful building, even better concert!

Mom & Pookie.


And here's my sister wife, Leah. I just moved down the street from Leah & her husband, so we now share him. :) We watched the Sooner game Saturday night, which you all know was brutal, so of course beer and rice krispy treats were necessary.

So, that's that! House pictures soon. :)

Have a great week!

A Night of Entertainment

Big announcement!

I am thrilled to be working on a new project going on right here in Tulsa. It's a variety show that will debut at the Veterans of Foreign Wars building (VFW) at 6th and Peoria on November 18th and 19th.

"Show and Tell With Peter Bedgood" is a two-night show that will feature everything from up and coming local musical guests and comedians to artists and dancers to skits... and so much more! Our goal is to leave you wondering what you just saw... and wanting more.

I am honored to be on board, helping run a tight ship on show night and keep up with the rundown of the show. Because, that's what I do best, huh? Boss people around and make 'em stick to a schedule. All producers are Type-A, yes? Tell me it's not just me... :)

Stay tuned for ticket information, directions, and more. This is going to be an exciting and unique event for Tulsans- Oklahomans, for that matter. From crew to talent, it will prove that you don't have to travel to Los Angeles or New York City for a night of true entertainment.

Lift Your Oars

Oh my goodness.

I have so much to catch you all up on, it's not even funny!

In case you missed it, I moved.

And I've spent the past few nights getting to know the creaks and rattles and taps that make my 1946 house talk.  It's been interesting.  Last night, I experienced my first thunderstorm in the house.  And, if this makes any sense at all, I fell in love with the house last night.  I've loved it all along- but last night, it felt like mine, with the thunder rolling and the rain pounding on the roof.  I loved every second of it.  My little sanctuary.

I just finished catching up on blogs, and I came upon this little gem over at A Sweet Spoonful.  

This poem absolutely speaks to my heart right now.  And, I love the way Megan breaks it down and analyzes it.  So, here you go, a poem on a rainy day.

West Wind #2

You are young. So you know everything. You leap into the boat and begin rowing. But listen to me. Without fanfare, without embarrassment, without any doubt, I talk directly to your soul. Listen to me. Lift the oars from the water, let your arms rest, and your heart, and heart’s little intelligence, and listen to me. There is life without love. It is not worth a bent penny, or a scuffed shoe. It is not worth the body of a dead dog nine days unburied. When you hear, a mile away and still out of sight, the churn of the water as it begins to swirl and roil, fretting around the sharp rocks–when you hear that unmistakable pounding–when you feel the mist on your mouth and sense ahead the embattlement, the long falls plunging and steaming–then row, row for your life toward it.

~Mary Oliver

I think I love the two separate messages in this poem.  One being, lift your oars and just listen.  Just be.  I struggle with this, so when I read Bible verses or poems like this, it speaks to me.  And then... the call to action.  When you hear that pounding, whatever it may be, row for your life towards it.

Are you lifting your oars today, or rowing like crazy?  I hope to do both.

Delicious Fall

Happy Saturday, readers! I can't WAIT to show you how the house is coming along. I am completely "moved in." Now comes the fun part... un-packing and hanging things on the walls! But I'm not in any huge hurry on that. I want to put everything in just the right place.

I spent most of this morning catching up on 2 days worth of blogs, and stumbled across a few delicious fall recipes from two of my favorite food bloggers. I may make both of these this weekend as a "welcome home" gift to myself.

Pumpkin Pie Pop Tarts with Maple Glaze by Joy The Baker. Come on, these look amazing.

And Apple and Cheddar Scones by Smitten Kitchen. These look a bit fancier- but who doesn't love an afternoon scone.

Any fall recipes you're trying this weekend? Link 'em up in the comments section!

Inspiration Wall

I'm exhausted.

The last time I moved, I was 22... fresh out of college... and moving into my first apartment.

Four years later, the whole process seems a bit more exhausting than before.

But, the move is underway! And I'm so blessed with parents who are here to help every step of the way.

I'm slowly starting to get a "vision" for my new place, and one thing that's a must is an inspiration wall.

I've been seeing them pop up in some of my favorite design blogs. A section of wall where all of your "favorites" are grouped together.

This inspiration wall can be found over at Ashley Ann Photography. I loved how she grouped together pictures, prints, mirrors, etc. for her daughter's nursery.

I also love this inspiration wall found via Made By Girl. Again, a mix of prints and pictures, and of course the monogram. I'm a sucker for monograms.

I'm thinking about doing an inspiration wall either in my living room or office. I love the idea of incorporating some of my favorite black and white Spain pictures, a couple of prints, a few crosses and anything else that inspires me.

What would be a part of your inspiration wall?

Checking In

Happy Monday!

Everyone's week off to a good start? I am VERY excited... because... it's finally move-in week!

My mom is here, and let me say... she is such a trooper. I have a very busy work schedule the next few days, and while I'm a slave to my desk.. she is cleaning, packing and organizing! I'm SO thankful.

When I got off work tonight, we took a big "haul" to the house. We packed up both of our cars, and made the trek to Brookside to unload and unpack. Things are (slooooowly) coming together!

I can't wait to have Wednesday, Thursday and Friday OFF of work so I can start putting things away and turning this house into a home! :)

And, can I just say... I can't WAIT to have my first trick-or-treaters.

Emo

Blogger now has a new feature that allows you to track your blog “stats.”

Hello, Canada! You like me! You really like me!

Something about my blog resonates with you. So, thanks for reading. And Happy Thanksgiving!

I also learned that I get my highest amount of readership when I write… “emo” posts.

I mean no offense by that term. It’s one used loosely around my household.

To me, “emo” is… emotional. A bit dark, intense, or slightly uncomfortable/awkward/unsettling.

Let me say that this definition of emo is NOT Webster approved. In fact, the “Lindsay” definition of emo is somewhat broad. Example: I consider heavy metal and non-Starbucks coffee emo.

Anyway, the point of this post is… something clicks for you all when I write from my heart. Real, meaty topics that might be a bit uncomfortable or intense.

And, I’m so flattered by that. I am most proud of the posts I write that are raw and very… me.

So, thanks for reading! If emo isn’t your thing… just click on the VIP Lounge button for lots of “fluff”!

Fluff… a “Lindsay” definition for another day.

A Quick Update

Holy cow... what a week!

I have had NO time to blog. Or work out. Or do my new devotional. In fact, it's a task of epic proportions right now just to get up, dry my hair, put on a decent outfit and get to work!

Life is busier than ever... and I'm loving every second of it.

I have SO much to share... but tonight, a quick update will have to do!

In the BIG news department...

I close on the house tomorrow! :) From Saturday afternoon on, I will be in pack-ville. So much to do, so little time. SO worth it. My dad will be here for the closing, and thank goodness my mom will be here to help me pack. She is an organizational PRO. (Hey, I got my skills from someone!)

On Saturday morning, I will be in Norman for Brittany's baby shower! I can't wait to celebrate Baby Girl Lee!

Tonight, I attended my first Tulsa blogger meet-up. So much fun! I hope to find some time this weekend (in between packing boxes) to read some new blogs!

And in the coming weeks, look for...

*a look inside my Toby photo album (it turned out amazing!)

*pictures and fun details from Brittany's baby shower (click the VIP Lounge button!)

*an announcement about a big project I'm working on here in Tulsa!

WHEW. October... off to a crazy start!

Sweet Dreams

As all of my faithful followers know, the past few months have been pretty rough for me. And through a lot of heartache and grief, I have started to heal.

But something interesting about the whole process is that I don't have a lot of memories from July through mid-September. It's like I had temporary amnesia.

And, it's not that I blocked it all out. The opposite- I felt every single second of it. But I retreated into myself. It was experiencing sadness and grief and hurt, and I needed to block everything out for a bit. My walls of defense came up.

Something I'm finally realizing, coming out of the worst of that grief and heartache, is that so much of the sadness I felt- and still feel- comes from the death of my dreams.

I had a whole life and future envisioned for myself. I could picture my life so clearly with him. Even Toby was a part of that vision. And, just like that, it all went away.

But the last few weeks, I have felt the spark come back. My zest and energy and dreams. They started slowly trickling at first, and now it's like a waterfall. All of these wonderful dreams. Some small, some big.

New dreams are starting to spring up from the ashes of the old ones.

A couple of weeks ago, I finished a fantastic devotional by Sheila Walsh called "The Heartache No One Sees." It was such a wonderful tool in my healing.

And appropriately, today I started a new devotional by the same author- "God Has A Dream For Your Life."

A week from today, I will be moving into a new house. Big dream, not even on the radar three months ago, now coming true.

For the first time in a long, long time I don't know what's coming next. But I can honestly say... I can't wait to see what it is.

Feeling Gray

As I start to plan colors and themes for each room in the new house, there's one color I just adore....

gray!

Purple has always been one of my favorite colors, and I just think purple and gray look so pretty together.

Eventually, I'd love to get a new couch. This gray couch would look awesome with a couple of purple pillows.

Obviously, since I love all things bird-related and have a couple of bird cages... I adore this branch side table.

I love these gray-striped sheets. And how cute would they look with a solid purple duvet cover in my bedroom?


... and, yes it's not gray, but I adore this little bar cart for my backyard.

I found all of this over at West Elm.

What colors are you falling for this time of year?

Packing

I've started packing my apartment. And, I'm finding, with each box I pack, that I have very mixed emotions about the whole process.

I moved here four years ago last month. I remember the day I moved in so well. I accepted a job I wasn't sure I'd like just two weeks before. I came down with my mom, decided to live in the third apartment I looked at, and before I knew it, we were loading up a Uhaul and making the Highway 75 trek from Plano to Tulsa.

This has been a good home for me. I know the trail nearby like the back of my hand. I fall asleep to the sounds of busy sirens on Memorial. My cabinets are "baby-proofed" due to an overly curious cat who once lived here. I said "I love you" here to someone really special for the first time.

I've had parties, game nights, celebrations and lots of laughter here. And I've had heartache and tears and sleepless nights here, too.

I'm trying not to tie up all of those memories to this place. I can take them with me, after all. They don't have to be packed up with the pictures and candles and books.

But some of those memories are being put away, whether I like it or not. Some things will be left here, in this apartment, the day I turn in my key.

Change is hard. But the unpacking in a new home, the new memories to be made... that makes it all worth it.