Dreams & Drive-Thru's

2012 is certainly shaping up to be an interesting year! I feel like a number of things that have been a long time in the making will be-and already are- taking shape this year. Big shocks, big revelations. Big dreams.

In other words: big scares, all around.

As I've said before, change has never come easily for me- and so far, that's all 2012 has been: one change after another.

I'm handling it in my typical fashion: tears, meltdowns in the middle of Starbucks (yeah, it happened) and a tiny bit of dramatic despair.

But in times like these, I also find my faith is the strongest, and my hope for the future the brightest. Even if that future seems far away.

Holding onto our dreams is so important. I don't want to be someone who loses sight of those dreams, even when the big shocks, big revelations and big scares come my way.

Sometimes speaking our fears out loud is scary; and even more terrifying? Speaking our dreams out loud.

I'm scared of losing my career, losing my health, losing the relationships- professional and personal- I've worked so hard to nurture. I'm scared of losing money, of diminishing faith, of making the right choices. Doing too little, doing too much, worry, worry, worry.

So on the sunny side of those fears, I push myself to celebrate my work successes more often. I sign up for more races, because they motivate and challenge me. I save money, and I save up- for trips, shoes, life. I pray when I'm driving or falling asleep at night. And I take a break from it all to go shopping with a friend, have coffee with another.

And if in the middle of that coffee date I have a meltdown, it's OK.

Because making dreams happen in the midst of fear and uncertainty isn't easy- and it shouldn't be.

Change will happen. Big shocks, big revelations and big scares will come my way.

But that extra money? It will cushion the fall. Those races? They'll keep me light on my feet. That prayer time? It will nourish my soul. Those new shoes? They'll help me stand a little taller in the face of fear.

And those relationships? They will be my support system, no matter what.

But... we might opt for Starbucks drive-thru from now on. Just in case. :)

Flashlight

A week without posting! I honestly feel like this week has been a blur. So much... everything. Really great moments- with friends, with co-workers, learning new equipment at work (hello, Tricaster!) and finalizing details on the freelance project I've been pouring my time into. Good, good, good.

Even now, my life-friend Hilary is in town for the weekend! Homemade dinners, bike rides, pedicures & lazy Saturday afternoons; precious times with a dear friend, and I'm living in the moment.

And in the shadows, there's been a lot of stress and fear. Friends are losing jobs and dealing with heartache and sickness, deadlines loom, insecurities and doubts arise. Can I pull off the premiere of a pilot in front of 150 people? Will I be able to finish a sprint triathlon in two weeks? Can I handle the pressure at work and beyond?

At times, it's too much. I cry at work. My head throbs. I snap at people I love. I forgo working out in order to put in more hours on everything. And forget quiet time, or "me" time.

Talking to my mom last night, I had one such moment. I was grumpy. I had just left work and had a million and one things to do before company arrived. I was especially unhappy because there wasn't time to do what I wanted to do- only what I needed to do.

And she encouraged me to stop everything, put on my work-out clothes and go for a run. Just go for a run, she said. You need it. You'll feel better. Everything else can wait.

So the sun set over the river, and even though I needed groceries for dinner, I had a bathroom that needed cleaning, a script that needed writing and a spirit that was lagging, I ran.

Miles didn't matter. Speed didn't matter. Training didn't matter.

And, as it usually goes with mom advice, she was right. I needed it. I felt better. Everything else waited- and eventually I got around to it.

Here's what I've concluded: when you're trying to squeeze the most out of life and live every moment God gives you to the fullest, sometimes you get overwhelmed. Things don't always go as planned. Our world gets rocked, and the next day... the bathroom needs cleaning.

So it's nice to have someone in your corner encouraging you to... go for a run.

Whether it's a quiet bath and a glass of wine, catching up with an old friend, raising a toast to coworkers who are by you in the trenches, or yes, taking that spontaneous run- we take our doses of perspective however we can.

The path gets shadowy, murky and unclear sometimes; I'm so thankful God put people in my life who seem to always have a flashlight on hand.

Take Flight (Resolutions #8 & #9)

I woke up today wishing I could escape. Do you ever feel that way? I live on my own and have plenty of "space," but all I want to do is lose myself at the beach for a day with a good book, or wander the streets of Manhattan, drinking coffee and people watching.

Of course, it's been a doozy of a week. If this first week of January is any indicator of the year ahead- let's  just say it will be busy- and a bit of an emotional roller coaster!

Life comes with the good and the bad. One day you're contemplating a new relationship and working a few poses at a photo shoot (HA), and the next- your heart is heavy for a friend. So very, very heavy.

Good and bad, all mixed up together. It's life, I tell ya. We've all lived it.

But it doesn't mean there aren't days I wouldn't love to pack up a day bag and just go. Leave the cell phone at home. Explore, relax, reflect.

That's probably my favorite part about travel; it allows you to literally be someone else. Before I went to Spain, I didn't consider myself a "museum girl" but now, I can't imagine travel without soaking up important bits of history. You learn a lot about yourself when you're away from your routine. You find you're more capable than you knew; you find out things that interest you and draw you in. You find out who you miss, who you wish was by your side- and who you don't miss.

For all of those things and more, I've decided on two very important resolutions for 2012:

Travel To NYC for BlogHer 2012

Travel Abroad

Big resolutions! Costly resolutions! But ones I am making priority again this year, all the same.

I love New York City- and I can't wait to attend another BlogHer conference. So what a perfect match-up! I will drink great coffee, spend my free time in museums and all of the rest of my time beefing up my social media prowess.

And then, the big one: travel abroad.

I've been slowly making... arrangements?... on this resolution for a while. I've started saving more. I bought back a large amount of AA miles that suddenly expired on me. I am researching and praying and letting a few destinations settle into my bones to see which one comes out the winner.

But, I crave travel in 2012. Not just because I have 20+ vacation days going into 2012, but because I want to see who Lindsay is in 2012. Will I find myself on a quiet countryside, going to pub crawls and touring castles? Will I go to market extravaganzas and ride camels and watch beautiful sunsets over the desert? Or will I return to the country that started the travel bug altogether and drink sangria on the coast?

Maybe I'll just find myself in a bustling city where I can lose myself in museums and coffee shops.

Regardless, I know that this is the year for travel. This is the year to make that leap.

And I can't wait to meet the girl who comes out on the other side of these adventures!

Whether your adventure takes you across the street or across the ocean- where do you want to go in 2012?

From The Desk Of... (Resolutions #6 & #7)

Well, it's Wednesday! And Wednesday of our official "week back to work/post-holidays/mid-Winter blues week." Unless you are one of my two brothers and you're on never-ending winter break from college!

This week has been madness! I guess that's to be expected after several weeks of down time. Monday night, we shot a commercial here at my house (Tulsans, get ready to see it on TV soon!) It was SO much fun- not only because I'm so invested in the project (it's my freelance job) but also because it's so great to see your house through the lens of a camera. It made me excited and proud all at once.

And it certainly made those "dirty" spots on the floor gleam like they were under spotlights! But that's what movie magic is for. :)

On top of shooting a commercial at my house this week, I have some more fun news: I get to be part of Tulsa's "Singles in the City" fundraiser! I say "get" to be a part of it- because the idea of being "auctioned" for a date scares me just a bit, so I'm trying to stay positive. BUT... it's for a good cause: Make A Wish Foundation of Oklahoma. I have a... photo shoot?!... on Friday for the February issue of Oklahoma Magazine.

Gulp. And, gulp again.

Despite the commercials and photo shoots and movie magic, oh my- (HA)-  it's not all glamour around here, folks.

In fact, this year I'm buckling down to achieve a few things that have been on the to-do list for a while. Some serious things.

Resolutions 6 & 7, if you will.

The first being:

Finish my office/guest room!

This project has been going on... in my head... for quite a while. It took me some time to decide what I wanted the room to look like. And now that I have a general idea, I'm putting my energy and resources into making that happen.

The requirements? A world map, like this: (Already purchased; check!)

A writing desk, like this:

Comfortable bedding, like this:

And a new file cabinet for paper, paper and more paper. (Already purchased; check!)

Cozy and functional; a place I can work on freelance, take a big nap, and work on my blog.

And a place for resolution #7 to happen, as well:

Meet My Financial Goals.

Last year, I set out to have more stability and to re-open a 401K account.

This year, my specific goals include:

-Pay off my Volvo (HUGE goal!)

-Save up for a big trip (forthcoming resolution spoiler alert!)

-Manage all bills online

That last one probably seems goofy- but it's part of my overall management plan. And it's certainly attainable. And eco-friendly!

2012 is going to be a year where business happens. Where financial goals are met. Where serious-minded things happen. And every serious-minded gal needs a functional office.

It's also going to be a year where fun, out-of-the-blue things happen. Where random photo shoots and commercials take place and company comes to visit and, therefore, naps must be taken. Every serious-minded, yet fun-loving gal needs a good nap room, reading room, writing room.

So this is the year of the guest room/office.

The true "Lindsay's Lounge", so to speak. :)

Dreaming Big (Resolution #5)

Happy 2012, friends!

NYE was low-key this year- just a few friends, a few snacks, a few (ahem) glasses of champagne- but it was a great way to ring in the new year.

But today, I feel like the year really begins. Yesterday was such a quick blur; saying goodbye to company, a long nap, dinner & wine at Wolfgang Puck with my best friend.

Today is a day for committing to the things I want to be priority in my life in 2012.

Enjoying my morning coffee... check. Daily quiet and worship time... check. Long run... check.

So it's fitting that today, the day when my 2012 priorities kick-off, so to speak, I'll also be shooting a commercial here at my house. A commercial for my freelance project that has been a big part of my life the past year.

I've mentioned True Blue here a time or two. A thriving tile & stone company based in Tulsa, led by David Ashmore. David & I met up about a year ago when he asked me to produce a life-long dream of his: a TV show to pitch to local and national networks. Named, appropriately, "True Blue."

We've been working on this reality/DIY show for about a year now- and our big Tulsa premiere is in just a few weeks! (More info to come!)

Throughout the process, I have also been building his brand. Creating a Facebook & Twitter page; developing YouTube videos; and now, creating a series of commercials for TV.

Shot at the home of yours truly.

So today, as we prepare to shoot our commercial, it's not stretch what resolution #5 is:

Pitch "True Blue" to local and national networks.

It's a huge undertaking- and a scary one, at that. Certainly one of the weightier resolutions on my list this year.

But working on this show has made me grow as a producer tremendously. And this year, I can't wait to see our hard work in 2011 pay off in 2012- whether True Blue is broadcast statewide or nationally.

No matter what, working on True Blue has given me such a wonderful sense of dreaming big. Making others' dreams come true- and fulfilling a few of my dreams, as well.

When you work on something that feeds your soul, that makes you think anything is possible- how can you fail?

Let's lift a glass to dreaming big in 2012!

A glass of water, that is; I've already had my fill of champagne this year. :)