Friday, June 17, 2011

Changing it Up

Happy Friday! The weeks are passing insanely fast these days. And it's funny, because I feel like each day goes by soooo sloooowly... and then all of the sudden, it's Friday again and another week has passed. And it's hotter outside, and we're deeper into summer. Closer to fall! My favorite season.

I am currently in the midst of a season of change. I have done a lot of thinking the past few weeks about the topic. There are some people that thrive on change; they need new, new new- drama, challenges, jobs, boyfriends.

I'm here to tell you I am firmly, formally, forcefully, NOT one of those people. I would keep everything the same, forever and ever, if I could. And one question keeps rising to the surface: why is even good change hard for me?

The day I registered for classes at OU, the summer before going to college, I remember sitting with my parents at lunch and crying. Not because I didn't love OU and feel strongly it was the place for me.

Leaving my job at KTUL for a new job. I cried for days at the weight of the decision. Not because I didn't think the opportunities would be better, brighter at Auction Network.

Or, the day I signed the papers to my house. Tears. Lots of them. Not because I thought I'd live in my apartment forever.

Even the addition of Maizy in my life. As I shared a few weeks ago, it was a struggle for me at first. Not because I am not absolutely in love with her and thrilled I can give her a good home.

It's because change, even good, represents an ending in my mind. A chapter that has been finished, a story that's ending. My high school years... my first job... my first apartment... my worry-free existence (ha) so to speak.

I've never been good about endings; I always want the party to last a little bit longer, the family weekends to stretch a bit further, the pages in the book to keep magically appearing.

God keeps challenging me in this area, and so now I'm challenging myself, too. Change- good or bad- means risk. There are no guarantees. But we move forward and take risks and grow and yes, change. Because living in a bubble of sameness doesn't mean you're free from hurt or worry.

I'm challenging myself to switch up my routine. Work more reasonable hours. Be open to what could be- and yes, potential wonderful things that could require a change or two in my life.

My heart is open and I'm just going to go with it... whatever "it" is. And if "it" brings about a good change or two... I promise not to shed any tears!

Well, maybe just happy ones.

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