Sunday, November 4, 2012

Quest for Clarity

Happy November, everyone! Honestly, it's a little weird logging on, sitting down to write. It's been SO long. Blogging really seemed to take a back seat this year. So much going on! But it's more than just being busy.

I've said it before, this has been such a year of growth for me. But the past few months have certainly stretched me in new ways. I've had a restless heart. I've done a lot of thinking and praying and wondering and searching about what's "next" for me. And, when the answers don't come quickly or easily- I get frustrated.

So, it's hard to put that into words. It's hard to sit down and write about my day, my thoughts, my hopes & dreams- when it all seems a little confusing.

And the irony of that! I write words for other people for a living. But sometimes I struggle so much putting my own words to paper.

But I've started to have a bit more clarity lately. And, what the heck- even when I don't have clarity, I need to write it out. That's just part of my make-up.

At my high school reunion last weekend (um, yeah- 10 years!) my friend Lauren said to me... "God is so much bigger than your situation." Or something like that. :) The point being... God is big enough to work on me, in me, in my current set of circumstances. That was so powerful to me- and quieted a voice nagging at me for quite some time, wondering if I was in the right place in life... physically.

And then I realized, I was at the right place emotionally and spiritually too. Not perfect, not full of clarity. Just at the right spot. With just enough clarity to keep searching and seeking.

So, that's me- today, in November of 2012! I love my life. I know I'm where I'm supposed to be- physically, mentally, spiritually. The road is not clear, the answers are not always forthcoming. But I know I need to keep moving forward, keep my heart and eyes open. And just live for today.

I don't have it all figured out. And I'm learning to be OK with that. Now, I just have to assume you guys are OK with that, too!

Then maybe the words will come a bit more freely. :)

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